Regret Me Not
by Limey
Summary: Everytime he saw her, he could only regret...so he distanced himself, and walled in his heart. Why did it matter so much to her? She found herself chasing the answer, then wanting the impossible. Angsty Yukiru...fun fun! :) Chapters 1&2 revised.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki and Hana to Yume comics. I promise (and swear upon most everything holy) that I came up with this concept myself, and didn't exert any effort in stealing the idea from anyone else--any similarities are purely coincidental. And now that that's cleared up...

Regret Me Not

------------------

Prologue.

                He watched her through impassive eyes that had taken years to perfect, something he whimsically thought of as 'earning' when the mood struck him. 

                "Yuki-kun?" 

                There, in that unassuming voice, was the single reason for his anguish, although sweet. The young man's walls of perfection crumbled a bit in silent response; and he blinked before the cracks in his defenses would let themselves show. "Honda-san?"

                Tohru smiled sunnily, her face smudged with dirt. "Tohru-san, remember? No formalities here!" 

                "How could I forget," he said simply, a half-smile working its way onto a face equally smeared in grime. "Is there anything wrong, Tohru-san?"

                "Nothing the second-in-command can't handle," she said with a smile that, he thought, couldn't get much brighter. "Just wondering what was on your mind, General!" With that, she clapped her gloved hands and shook off the dry, crumbling pieces of mud. "Thinking of our next mission, maybe?" 

                Somehow, the nickname for his little garden patch had spread to the two caretakers of the 'secret base', until everything involved had a corny code name. It had happened over time, as Yuki and Tohru  had grown closer and deeper in friendship. She really was good for him, the way she slowly extracted him from his shell...sometimes even threw off his self-repose. Not like she had to drag him away from himself kicking and screaming, however. Inwardly, he sighed. 'Two years of extraction and I still hide how I feel...'

                "It is the sole decision of the General himself that we should halt all missions for today..." Her blue eyes met his violet, devotedly awaiting his word. That was Tohru for you--hopelessly entranced by those she cares for most, even if the subject matter was a joke. Yuki crossed his arms over his shirt in (what he hoped was) a very serious manner and nodded to himself intently, closing his eyes in deep thought.

                "Awaiting your command, sir!" she chirped. Violet then sought out the blue as the words formulated in his mind. 

                His heart stopped them at the throat. 

                I love you. The sentence had been aching at the tip of his tongue to jump out and take the plunge, and he had left it hanging for over a year now. And every day, he found at least one moment that made him more tempted than ever to just be honest with her.

                Today it was the purity of her eyes, the eagerness to hear whatever he had to say. Her loving attentiveness. It was a reminder to him of how special Tohru really was, how selfless. She was everything he admired, and now she embodied everything he loved. He took a deep breath.

                "...and we should instead tread lightly to the headquarters, where the ice-cold lemonade can be found!" With a bubbly laugh, the brown-haired young woman stood up from her kneeling position near the carrot row and gave Yuki a smart salute, her forehead crinkled in seriousness.

                "Yes sir! Ready when you are, sir!" The sight of her, lightly covered in dirt and slightly frowning in concentration pulled a grin out of Yuki, then a soft laughter. Soon afterwards, Tohru's giggles resurfaced as well. 

                "Shall we go then, second-in-command," he smiled softly. Somehow she knew that particular smile was reserved for her, and she returned it with a special one for him. The color in her cheeks deepened a little bit at the thought of them sharing something, even though it was small, and she nodded eagerly in response.

                "Let's go!"

*****    

                Strange for that memory to pop up now of all times, Yuki thought numbly.

                "Yuki-kun?"

                There was her voice again, calling to him--but this time, with a pained tone to it. She had always been like that, resonating to others' pain. Tohru met his blank stare with her eyes. He had never been able to resist looking at her, looking into her. 

                Now he no longer had that right, and he reminded himself of it as he turned away and shut her out. Forever.

                "Honda-san." Her eyes filled with tears, and because of years-long practice, she smiled instead of crying. Would she ever see beyond those walls again? "I just wanted to say...congratulations."

                "Thank you," she stammered softly, unnable to think of any other response. Yuki smiled back, mirroring her painful smile as he held up her left hand gently and kissed it. He tried not to focus on the ring that adorned her finger, tried not to lose his composure, to enclose her small hand with his own and drown out the significance of the gold band. 

                He succeeded, but the victory was equally bitter. 

                "Beautiful ring," he mused thoughtlessly. She nodded absently. 

                "That baka neko picked it out himself, did he?"

                "Yeah." He lowered her hand then, and bowed formally. The words that had meant to come out as a last resort failed him; as they retreated back into his throat for the first time in five years he knew they would haunt him. If he had told her how he felt earlier...if he hadn't been so damned selfish...

                "Anyhow, I've got to go--University's a bit far of a walk and Shigure has the car today. I just wanted to congratulate you before I left." He gripped the briefcase handle tightly and smiled even wider. 

                "Thank you," she managed to say again. He finally let go of her hand.

                And he walked away.

*****

End Prologue.

This is my very first Fruits Basket fanfic...I'm pretty sure you can tell. n_n;; I know it seems like this short piece can stand on its own (and I guess it could), but I promise that more is coming! Feedback is eternally welcome, naturally. Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it and check back for more n_n

-Kris (Limey)


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki and Hana to Yume comics. I promise (and swear upon most everything holy) that I came up with this concept myself, and didn't exert any effort in stealing the idea from anyone else--any similarities are purely coincidental.

Just wanted to voice my thanks for the reviews, and I hope that you guys like this next chapter :) Last note: I always listen to music when I write to get into the mood of it all, and this chapter was written while listening to Alanis Morissette's "Uninvited". Randomness, I know. Enjoy! 

REVISED : Haha, I know that Kyou and Tohru were hugging in several parts of this, but I've been lazy about correcting myself until now. Nothing has changed other than the discrepancies…but if you'd like to read it again, be my guest! :D

Regret Me Not

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 Chapter 1.

            "Tohru..." 

            She turned slowly, a rolling pin in her hand and a sweet smile on her face. 

            "Kyou!" Putting down the kitchen utensil and hastily wiping her hands on her pink apron, Tohru ran—more like leaped--into her husband's arms. He picked her up and twirled her around, smiling.

            "I'm sorry this trip took longer than I expected," he apologized gruffly, his eyes softening at the relief on his wife's face. _I'm away far too much_, he thought reproachfully. Lowering her slowly, he bent down to kiss her with a timid smile. She eagerly returned his affections. 

            "It's okay," she smiled softly, after their lips had parted. "Just as long as you're back now." Kyou wrapped his arm around her waist possessively and nuzzled her hair with his forehead, and she giggled. "I'm so glad you're back."

            "So am I," he echoed. His attention turned to that of the kitchen they were standing in, specifically towards the mess of flour, milk and dough that Tohru had been working on diligently. "And what's all this fuss about, Tohru?" he asked with a smile. Her cheeks flushed pink. _Oh, he's not going to like this._

            "I was just...ah..." Wringing her hands nervously, she bit her lip. Immediately, she could feel her husband's temper rise to the boiling point. His grip around her waist tightened…hurt almost. 

            "Tohru." _Calm yourself. It was the only thing the cat could tell himself to keep his anger from exploding. "How many times have I told you that worrying about...about that stupid excuse for a—"_

            "Kyou, don't call him names, please," she pleaded, wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes fell to the linoleum on the kitchen floor as he sucked in a breath, the air hissing through his teeth. "Kyou..."

            "...That sorry, stupid, _pathetic_ excuse for a man!" Kyou exploded. His temperament had improved greatly since they had been married, but this was one subject he would never have patience with. "I can't believe that you can still find a place in your heart for that stupid rat! He's never given you anything but grief, Tohru, for God's sake, just let it go already!"

            They had this fight a lot...the times between the continuing fight growing shorter and shorter with each year. It wasn't really a fight, though—having a fight with Tohru was quite impossible, Kyou had discovered early on in their marriage—but the stubborn woman refused to see what was rational. He really loved that about her...it was this same quality that made him fall for her so unguardedly. But God did it drive him mad when his rational clashed with her idealism.

            "I deserve the grief," she said, choking tears down her throat. "I've given him nothing but grief, why shouldn't I get the same in return?" She pulled away from her husband to look into his eyes. "If I had known how he had felt—maybe I could have—if only things hadn't unraveled so quickly—" 

            "Us getting engaged was 'unraveling'?" he said angrily, exhaling the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Tohru's eyes filled with tears.

            "No! Kyou, please try to understand me." Her blue eyes looked at his auburn red imploringly. "Try to understand what he has gone through."

            "Tohru, we've been married for five years," he said shortly, averting his eyes from her gaze. "That is more than enough time for any _grown_ man to get over a teenage crush." 

            "You know it wasn't just a crush, Kyou! He was in love! He's hurting!"

            "And what do I care?" he barked, the last restraints on his anger finally broken. "Look, I felt pretty awful for the guy at first, but what do you expect me to do now? Pay him visits and bring over a friendly plate of fruitcake once in a while? Apologize for marrying you?" Tears were streaming down her face feebly, her lip trembling. 

            "Kyou," she pleaded, a desperate smile on her face. She really always did have a smile on her face, no matter what, he thought sadly inside of himself. "Kyou, you know I love you...I would never want you to apologize for the gift of your love to me...not to him, nor to anyone." Tohru buried her face in his chest, her tears soaking through his weather-worn shirt. He gingerly encircled his wife with his arms as he rubbed her back slowly, his head resting on hers as he let her cry. _I wish I could hold her._

            "I love you too," he whispered, the remnants of his anger fizzled at the warmth between his arms. "Tohru, I love you...and that's why I want you to stop doing this to yourself." She let out a small sob, and he took a deep breath, his heart weighed down with her unhappiness. "With each passing year, you keep yourself hurting in penance for what you think you've done. What _have_ you done, Tohru, other than find happiness with someone else? I know you hold all of us in your heart with the highest regard, but Tohru, you can't keep doing this to yourself...you see that, don't you?"

            "I know," came the reluctant answer. "I know, I do, but..."

            "But what?" he said softly. "Tohru, why does this...why does _he...why does he bother you still?" Her breath caught, and in her mind's eye she saw the look on his face before he closed himself from her...when she had told him privately of her engagement...the utter heartbreak. Her heart broke again with his. Never could she erase that horrible image from her mind. _

            _Yuki._

"I don't know," she said, her voice dead. She didn't know. She had wondered indirectly what kept his last looks so vividly in her memory, but had never really thought upon the subject itself...she was a little too scared to think about it. 

            Part of her didn't want to know the answer.

            "Tohru," Kyou said with a weak sigh, breathing her name. "Promise me that after you finish making this, promise me that you'll stop trying to make amends." His hand gently cupped her chin and brought her gaze to his. "I don't like seeing you hurt so much over someone who has never tried in the slightest to forgive you. I don't ever like seeing you hurt...seeing you cry..." She smiled then, a genuine one, and felt warmth fill her from the inside out.  Thoughts of Yuki faded away and she saw nothing but the man in front of her. 

            She loved him so much. Another tear slipped down her flushed cheek, sliding past the enormous smile on her face. "I can never convince myself that I deserve you," Tohru whispered, her hands cradling his warm face. He smiled in return and said nothing, but leaned in to kiss her again. She pulled away at the last moment, her lips a hair's width away from his. His eyes reflected the immediate pain her distance brought him, and she shook her head slightly with a loving smile. 

            "Welcome home, love," she said tenderly, finally leaning into his lips as he smiled.

            The dough was left unattended for the rest of the day.          

*****

            _Happy 25th Birthday, you sorry bastard, he thought to himself lifelessly as the clock struck midnight in his apartment. He had saved a bottle of expensive vodka to celebrate the occasion at this precise time, but had started a little too early in his eagerness to get as drunk as possible. Looking brokenly at the half-empty bottle, he sighed. He was starting to see why drinking alone was advised against._

            The apartment was quiet, save the occasional car driving by and the raucous of drunken men making their way back from a bar outside. The slender man sighed again to himself, unconsciously trying to fill in the silence with his breath. Twenty-five years...a quarter of a century. Most twenty-somethings gagged with the thought of getting older and older, but he found himself usually 'rolling with the punches', so to speak. _The only sign of aging is the increase of regret. _Satisfied with this melancholy conclusion, he leaned over drunkenly into a lying position on his leather couch. _Yeah, regret. Good one, Sohma. Now have your infinite wisdom explain why you're sloshed beyond all reason._

            What was a birthday, really? Why do people celebrate birthdays when they dread the extra year tacked onto their life? Well he, for one, would not stand for it. Yes, he certainly was making a statement by partying all by himself. Take that, society, he thought stumblingly as his pale hand ran through his silver-grey hair. Bastards. The phone rang as if in response to his denouncement, and he put a pillow over his head to mute the guttural ring as much as possible. 

            "It's me. Leave a message. –BEEP-"

            "Yuki? Yuuuuuuuuuki...YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIII!!!!" The man moaned irately into the couch, shifting his weight to his left as he rolled (quite ungracefully) from his comfortable position onto the floor. _Woah, dizzy..._ "Yuki, I know you're there!! Pick up the phone, little brother! Your handsome older brother only has a set amount of hours in the day, and he can't wait forever!"

            "Of all the set hours, why can't you ever pick a reasonable one?" Yuki muttered to the phone. He had crawled over to the coffee table near the couch and pressed the 'speaker' button, and was now lying on the floor with his eyes shut. The speaker voice laughed heartily.

          "Oh-ho-ho! Do I hear the hint of slurred words? Could my little brother be indulging in a little bit of intoxication? Or maybe there is more than one of you over there? A birthday, alcohol, and sex in one night—you certainly live up life, Yuki! I can't even express—"

            "Shut _up, Oniisan," he grumbled. "No one is here." Ayame laughed again. _How the hell does he keep himself so damned hyper all the time?_ Yuki thought vengefully. _

            "No one? Absolutely no one? Then I suppose I shall..." Yuki grabbed the phone line and forcefully yanked it out of its jack, silencing the speaker. The apartment fell into quiet once again. And then—

            "I suppose I shall let myself in!" The door opened wide, flooding in the corridor lights and temporarily blinding Yuki to death. "And not only myself..."

            The door opened even wider and revealed Ayame, Momiji, Haru, Shigure, Kisa, Hiro, Kagura and Hatori. They all had birthday hats and various party favors, determined to make as much noise as possible (with the exception of Hatori, who looked just as irate as Yuki felt). 

            "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!" they screamed joyfully, all smiles. Yuki couldn't help but smile, although it was a little pained. Shame he couldn't really see straight...

            "Thanks, guys," he managed to mumble, trying to hide the overt tones of drunkenness in his speech and demeanor (without much success). Before he knew it, his cousins had picked him up off his cream-colored carpet and sat him properly on the couch again, sitting on either side of him to support him. His hands automatically flew to his head and he bent forward, his elbows on his knees. "Yeah...Happy birthday to me."

            "Got the party started a little too early, did we?" Shigure said bemusedly, eyeing the bottle of vodka on the coffee table.  Yuki groaned in response. 

            "It's ridiculous to celebrate birthdays," he said simply, his head still in his hands. "Although I do appreciate the unannounced party." 

            "It was Ayame's idea," Momiji said cheerfully, his arm around Yuki's shoulders. Yuki groaned again.

            "And you will find me not surprised," he said dryly. Ayame, who had until that moment been putting away his cell phone, dashed over to his younger brother with a winning smile on his face.

            "Wasn't it a big surprise?" he said proudly. 

            "I'm pretty sure anyone would be surprised after midnight," Hatori said observantly, leaning against the wall adjacent to the door. His gaze met Yuki's as the young man attempted to sit up. "Happy birthday all the same, Yuki. You should probably drink some water to detoxify your system of all that alcohol." 

            "Of course," he said simply. He leaned back into the couch as Haru sat on the coffee table in front of him. 

            "Happy twenty-fifth," Haru said listlessly, although not unkindly. "What's it like to be a quarter of a century?"

            "Same as always."

            "Aww, Yuki, you're no fun," Kagura said playfully, giving him a nudge with her elbow. Well...a nudge in _her_ terms, which gave him what felt like a bruised rib. He smiled weakly and managed to chuckle a little bit as everybody else laughed a little uneasily as well. _Talk about not knowing your own strength..._

            "Anyhow," Shigure said nervously, "I believe that there is one tradition in which none of us Sohma can ever deny in terms of birthdays, and that is..." Kisa stepped out from behind Shigure with a round, perfectly-decorated cake littered with twenty-five candles. Shigure smiled mischievously. "Everybody's favorite song—ready?"

            "HAAAAAAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU..." The family, with the exception of Hatori and Hiro, burst into song at five different pitches at full speed. 

            "Save us," Hiro muttered. Everyone was so enraptured with the performance that nobody heard his plea. Yuki smiled, a real one denting his normally cool demeanor.

            Maybe he had started celebrating early...because he figured that he would not have anyone to celebrate with. But each year, unfailingly, his family—the Juunishi—always made sure that he would never have to spend his birthday alone. His soft violet eyes reflected the bright light of the candles, sparks of happiness very seldom seen on his face nowadays. 

            "HAAAAAAPY BIIIIIRTHDAAAAAY TOOOO YOOOOOOOUUU!!!" The song was finished heartily, and all that he was left to do was to make a wish. And for so many years, he had had the same wish, over and over again. It was silly for him to even hope that a little birthday wish would come true...he knew that. There must be something else to wish for that would make him just as happy...

            "The wax is going to get into the frosting!" Momiji exclaimed, breaking Yuki out of his reverie. "Blow them out, Yuki, hurry up!"

            _I wish...that I could forget all about her. That I would stop seeing traces of her everywhere, anywhere. That I would stop reliving the pain of losing her. It was the same wish as always...he smiled in a self-deprecating manner. _I wish I could stop loving her.__

He blew the candles out, and everyone cheered.

*****

           Lying in bed, a tan hand haphazardly resting on her hip, Tohru looked at the clock with a small smile.  12:17am. She couldn't explain why, but she had stayed up, half-asleep, in anticipation for a party she had no part in. They were probably just finishing up the Birthday Song, and he was blowing out his candles. She remembered it so well—the way his pale face would flush with embarrassment at the sight of the fuss others had made for him, his quiet joy in seeing those he loved together for a happy occasion, even though he always complained of the hassle. The look in his eyes as he smiled at her, the flickering candles reflected in the dusky violet. Her heart did another funny turn—she had learned to ignore them now—and she stroked Kyou's hand absently. 

            _I hope he likes my cake. I wish I was there to enjoy it with him._

Tohru turned slowly to face her husband, kissed him softly on the forehead, and fell asleep.

*****

end Chpt. 1.

Wow. So it took me two months to get myself to write the first chapter, but only one night to write it. Pretty lame, huh? :) Yes, I know, this story is starting off very ambiguously...and it's not too bad of a TohruxKyou fic, eh? Just kidding, it's still Yukiru, I promise. Anyhow...stick around for the next chapter, if you please, and I'd love to hear more reviews of this story. Thanks much! 

-Kris (Limey) 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki and Hana to Yume comics. I promise (and swear upon most everything holy) that I came up with this concept myself, and didn't exert any effort in stealing the idea from anyone else--any similarities are purely coincidental.

[Now that the formalities are over...time for me to apologize!] Ehehehe… n_n;;; I always take forever to update. I'm so sorry! Hope you all like the next installment of Yuki-Angst-O-Rama (poor Yuki...I always tend to put my favorite ones through the wringer...n_n). 

REVISED : Now that I've gotten myself a beta reader (let's hear it for Navale, my partner in crime for F A S C I N A T I O N !), I'm going to try and fix these mistakes BEFORE I put it on ff.net :) The only revision in this is where Yuki and Tohru run into each other...yup...another discrepancy in regards to their transformations. Sigh... maybe I'll learn one day. Enjoy :) 

Regret Me Not

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Chapter 2.

  Shopping for a dinner of one was never a fun thing. Of course, he reasoned, it could be worse. _At least I don't have to cook for myself, he thought with an inward shudder. Take-home dinners were a miracle worthy of heaven when one couldn't boil an egg to save his life. When Yuki had started out on his own at first, he had tried to hone his homemaking skills in the kitchen in order to save money. After a month full of food poisoning and smoke-stained ceilings, he never looked back nor minded the extra expenses. Home cooked meals were not essential, although they were certainly missed. He preferred the ability to digest food than anything else._

            With his hands in his pockets, Yuki walked slowly by the displays of cold-cut sandwiches and box dinners, stopping every few feet to ponder a dinner of this or that, then moving onward. Since today was Tuesday, he was at the local supermarket. He had become so accustomed to not cooking, he had created a schedule for the type of food he would eat for each day of the week. Monday was Italian, Wednesday was Chinese, Thursday was at the deliciously inexpensive ramen stand a block away from his apartment... A part of him hated how mundane and boring he was—_I mean, I even have a schedule for what type of **food I eat, for God's sake—but the less effort it took, the more appealing the routine became. Yuki stopped at the tuna sashimi box dinner and picked it up thoughtfully, then sighed. Sometimes he wished he was just as exciting and mysterious as the girls that admired him thought he was. **_

            "Tuna it is," he muttered to himself softly as his stomach grumbled at the box in his hand. He made his way to the checkout registers at the front of the store, picking up a bottle of wine as he passed by the particular aisle. He may have gone a little cheap when it came to dinner, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the finer pleasures of life afterwards, right? Besides, he wanted to erase the memories of the _last time he had enjoyed a bit of alcohol...Yuki cringed as he recalled his birthday celebration with vodka, his grip on the red wine tightening slightly. That had only been a week ago, and the memory of its gagging aftertaste was still lingering in his mouth. Sure, the night hadn't turned out to be a bust after all, but the next morning definitely solidified his resolve to not touch vodka for at least a few months afterwards. He smiled at the recollection of his 'birthday party' however, and he found himself a free register._

            "Will this be all, sir?" The grocer placed his dinner and the bottle of wine in a bag and smiled, her cheeks slightly flushed at the sight of him. He was used to this reaction by now. It still managed to embarrass him on occasion (he still felt that he looked effeminate, to a certain degree), but the emotion never penetrated his calm mask. 

            "Yes, thank you," Yuki smiled, pulling out the amount due that he saw on her register screen. He threw in an extra 100 yen for a tip—not that it was needed or expected by the clerk. Hell, he was in a relatively good mood today...why not? She blushed even more, speechless, as she handed him his bag.

            "T-Thank you, sir," she chirped, "Thank you very much—"

            "Have a good night," he said congenially, taking the bag from her and making his way outside. _Hmm, she was kind of cute...a little too young, but still nice to look at. Not that he'd consider taking her on a date, of course—the last date he had attended had scarred him for the past few months. _Note to self: Never date a girl that you work with._ He had taken her out twice; the first time for kicks and the second time because he needed to talk to her about formally calling him 'her future husband'. The memory made him shudder slightly—he had never been very good when dealing with the obsessive type, and unfortunately, they seemed to find him a lot more often than he liked. Nowadays her eyes followed him with a hungry look and he shuddered again. _Single women are scary...especially once they hit the realization that marriage might be a little farther down the road than first anticipated. __

            Just because he was still desperately in love with Tohru didn't mean he couldn't date around, right? But he kept finding himself measuring each woman by her standards, although he knew that none of them would ever reach the impossible goals his mind set—none of them were her, nor would magically become her the next day when he woke up beside them. At first he had started dating other girls because he wanted to forget about her. Once he realized that his attempts were in vain, he simply accepted that he could never rid himself of the comparison and learned to live with it. Sometimes, it almost didn't hurt anymore...those relationships lasted a little longer than the others. But in the end, they always lost to an invisible foe. 

            Yuki held the bag in the crook of his arm and shoved both hands into their respective pockets again as he walked through the automatic doors leading out to the crisp, autumn air and Tokyo in the evening. It would be overly dramatic of him to say that he thought of her every waking moment of the day, but she was ever-present in his thoughts, even if the thoughts of her weren't always prominent. He was almost comforted by the fact that he could find no one to hold his attentions for long...he never wanted anyone to surpass her in his heart. 

            Even so, he avoided her now, of course—like the Plague. He had been told repeatedly (and quite forcefully at first) about how childish it was for him to not be able to face her, to be able to heal from what he tried desperately not to see as a type of betrayal. Relations with Kyou, although they had never been what one would call stellar, were now severed and burned. In fact, Yuki liked to pretend that Kyou didn't exist when he was in a particularly cross mood. And Tohru... 

            Tohru wanted to be his friend. He always laughed bitterly at the thought. As if she thought he would ever be satisfied with her friendship, when she knew what he wanted was her love. 

            But she didn't choose him. She didn't love him. And Yuki couldn't deal with it, he couldn't stomach the pain that overwhelmed him whenever he saw her...seeing her happy without him was like salt in a wound that had never healed. So he erased her from his life, even though he knew it hurt her to lose him. 

            He _liked_ knowing his absence caused her pain.  He _wanted it to hurt her._

            _God...I am such a bastard. _

            Suddenly he saw a woman collide into another man, her attention obviously elsewhere at the moment. She fell to the ground, grocery bags spilled around her, as the man kept walking with a sneer. 

            "Watch where you're going, lady!" the man said snidely, yelling over his shoulder. Yuki was beside himself with indignance. The nerve of some people... he quickly went to the woman's side with a smile, bending over to help her up.

            "What an awful man. Here, let me help you—"

            He froze as a shining, smiling, apologetic face turned to his as she accepted his hand. 

            "Oh, thank you so much, Sir, I..." The man in front of her registered in her memory and her smile fell instantly, a shocked expression in its wake. 

            "Y-Yuki-kun..." His grip tightened on her hand, almost hurting her, as he pulled her up from her sprawled position on the concrete. He couldn't meet her gaze.

            "Sohma-san," he said softly, his eyes downcast. Even though he wasn't looking at her, he could feel her spirits drop at his curt formality. "I'm glad I could be of service to you." He bowed formally, his movements as graceful as ever. Tohru smiled at the gesture, more out of habit than her currently wrecked emotions. 

            "Oh—oh no, Yuki-kun, it was entirely my fault, really. I need to stop walking around with my head in the clouds," she said earnestly, picking up her grocery bags. "Do you...do you come this way often?" Her hand absent-mindedly brushed the dirt off her denim skirt as she hungrily drank in his features, his expression—even though it was as cold as she last remembered. It had been five years since she last laid eyes on him, and she didn't know how long it would be until she saw him again. He stuffed his helping hand back into his coat pocket as he spoke.

            "Every Tuesday, actually," he replied. Tohru smiled.

            "Making a habit out of going to the grocery store," she said, some of her trademark cheerfulness creeping back into her voice. "That sounds like something you would do, Yuki-kun!"

            _It doesn't feel like it's been five years, with the way she's talking,_ he thought sardonically. _You'd think we'd shopped for groceries **together** or something. _When he didn't respond, she bit her lip unsurely, not knowing what to say. "I go shopping for a few things we need every Tuesday as well...it's funny how I've never bumped into you until now!"

            _We._ Well, she certainly did love rubbing the fact that she married Kyou in his face, didn't she? Yuki knew he was being an absolute bastard—that Tohru would never do anything malicious to spite someone. It just wasn't in her to do something intentionally mean, and he loved her for that. It was amazing what five years of bitterness would do for a person, however, and his heart had hardened. He shrugged nonchalantly, then took a step forward.

            "Look, I'm sorry, Sohma-san, but I'm in a rush—" Tohru looked crestfallen, and he snatched a look at her greedily as her gaze fell to her shoes. Her hair was still as long as ever, the chestnut-brown strands pulled away from her face with a hair claw; her bangs, now at chin length, framing her face prettily. Her skin was still porcelain-like in quality, still flawless. It wasn't humanly possible for her to be even more beautiful than when he had last seen her, but she had somehow managed to surpass the limit. He savored this image of her now. If things worked out the way that he hoped for in the future, he wouldn't encounter her like this again.

            "Yuki-kun, please stop treating me like you don't know me," she said quietly, her eyes downcast. The hurt in her voice cried out to him, and he tried to shirk it off without much success. This was no good. He needed to get away from her, before...before he left himself susceptible again.

            "I humbly apologize for my impositions," he said shortly, taking another step and walking past her brusquely. "Have a good evening, Sohma-san."

            "Yuki." The steel in her soft voice made him stop in his tracks. This was very un-Tohru-like behavior. Perhaps she _had changed in the years he hadn't seen her. "I can't continue to apologize for something that isn't my fault...and I can't keep giving my friendship to a person who doesn't give back, or even tries to receive it."_

            "I never asked for your pity," Yuki said coldly. Tohru spun around, her eyes boring into the back of his head. After five years of agonizing over whether she would ever see him again... crying over his absence in her life... trying to show whenever she could how much she truly _cared for him... _

            "Yuki-kun, if you keep walking... if you continue to ignore me like this, to deny my existence in your life, I can only do the same." He paused, his jaw stiff. He contemplated turning around, facing her, accepting his position as a friend. And he couldn't do it. 

            _I love you, Tohru...I could never be happy with anything less than the same from you. I'm sorry I'm such a jackass, I'm sorry I hurt you so much. I'm sorry for everything._ And he was, he truly was. But if he turned around now, it would only hurt him more in the end. And he, coward, could not face that truth. So he walked away instead.

            "Goodbye, Tohru-san," Yuki said quietly, closing his eyes. "Have a good evening." With pain evident in his voice and posture, he continued to walk onward, pitifully reminding himself of a wounded bird. She watched him walk away, her blue eyes misted with tears as she bit her lip.

            "You jerk," she said brokenly, clenching her fists. "You...you awful, awful person." 

            _Yuki...I don't know you anymore._

            What had started as a simple run to the supermarket for a few ingredients for tonight's dinner had unearthed a lot of unresolved emotions she didn't know she had lying within her. Her heart was racing at the sight of his eyes, his face, his presence...Tohru convinced herself it was the length of time in which she hadn't seen him, and left it at that. _Kyou, I'm so sorry...I know I told you that I would give up on resolving this situation, but I just can't. I can't let this chance to fix things pass me by. _

            She couldn't let Yuki pass her by again. Taking a few deep breaths, she waited for him to get a safe distance away, her eyes following his defined figure through the thinning crowds.

            And she followed. 

*****

end Chpt. 2.

            Haha! I always end up writing the next chapter on this maddening 3-4 hour spree and finish it every two months! Strange how I tend to sporadically update based on my inspiration. Guess that's just the way it works. :) Well, we've got a little bit of something developing here, don't we? The chapter is surprisingly long, you get a glimpse into Yuki's routine...fun stuff, isn't it? And I actually managed to create a cliffhanger. Perhaps I can't wait as long to get Chpt. 3 done, can I now... 

            Reviews are both welcomed and appreciated...now it's time to roll up my sleeves and work on Chpt. 3! (Or wait another 2-3 months to do it. n_n)

- Kris (Limey)


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